Listen

I bought this sign early 2000.  My sense was I needed to stop.  I needed to listen.  I needed to slow down but felt helpless in the effort.  The Spirit whispered to me.  I could not hear but I knew.  I put this sign by my kitchen window.  I had trouble hearing.  I wanted to be reminded.  I was missing something.  I felt the Holy Ghost pulling me.  Prompting me.  Be still.  The Spirit was leading me.  The noise was so loud.  What seemed to be true was not.  I searched.  I was confused but not.  In Sunday's classes I was reminded of the help I received from Heaven.  I was also reminded of the help I continue to receive from Heaven.
Today.  Everyday. 

Regret

Have you ever noticed something special about people who are dying?  They seem wise. They know something.  Something that might be helpful.  Helpful to me.  What would I think about right before I die?  What will I regret?  I studied "end of life" counseling.  I met an "end of life" counselor.  She had fascinating stories.  Amazing experiences.  She knew stuff.  She knew there were others on the another side.  Waiting.  Wanting.  Loving us.  I recently learned about another woman who has been there.  Been with people before they die.  Bronnie Ware.  She is a nurse.  She wrote a book.  She has a blog.  This is what I learned from Ms. Bronnie.  Many people gain clarity at the end of their lives.  Boy, I want clarity.  I wonder.  Do we have to wait until we are dying?  Is there something I can do now?  Like today.   She also noticed common themes.  Common regrets.  Here are her top 5.   

"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me".

"I wish I hadn't worked so hard".  Men more then woman spoke of this regret.

"I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings".  She saw illnesses related to bitterness and resentment.  Oh my.  Regret can hurt?

"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends".

"I wish that I had let myself be 
happier".
"Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.  They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.  Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves".  (p. 167).  I wonder.  Do I really really act and think as if I am free to choose?

Distorted

Thoughts.  Distorted thoughts.  Some call them cognitive distortions.  Cognitive implies 
we know.  But we often don't.  They can be 
automatic.  Automatic thoughts that we believe.  Our mind says something is true.  We use these thoughts to reinforce our thinking.  Our negative thinking.  Our negative moods.  Our general outlook on life.  What!  I think thoughts to keep me feeling bad?  Aaron T Beck was one of the first who had ideas about what we think.  Distorted thinking.  He learned if we could recognize these thoughts.  These automatic distortions.  We could feel better.  We could think better.  We could do better.  Best part.  We could BE better.  Interesting thing.  We all jump to distorted thinking.  I try to notice when my thoughts jump.  Jump to conclusions that may not be true.   Here are a few examples. 

1. Overgeneralization.  Come to a general conclusion based on a single event.   One bad thing happens and we expect it to repeat over and over.  Choose to see never-ending pattern.  Friend is getting divorced.  "No one values marriage anymore".  You eat unhealthy food.   "No one eats healthy anymore".  
2. Catastrophizing.  We expect disaster to strike no matter what.  Blow minor things out of portion.  Teenage son sleeps in.  "He will never finish high school".  Roof leaks.  "We need a complete roof and it will cost more then I have".
3. Polaized Thinking.  ALL or NOTHING.  Good or Bad.  Black or white.  No shades.  Friend gets hit by a car. "The roads are not safe".  Porn on the internet.  "Everything about the internet is just awful".  
4. Labeling.  Extreme overgeneralization.  Describing an event with emotionally loaded language.  You make a mistake.  "I'm a loser".   Someone cuts you off in traffic.  "He is a terrible driver".  Girlfriend hires a babysitter.  "She neglects her children."  
5. Should Statements.  We have rules about how others should live.  Husband is bored by sports.  "Something is really wrong with my husband.  He should like football".   Another distortion.  We tell ourselves shoulds.  "I should cook dinner every night".  "I should be happy".  "I should read more".  

L in Relationships

ove.

Brene Brown has researched some cool stuff.  She says, "If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging".  Hmm.  Sounds so simple.  We are ALL worthy of love.  Now.  Today.  Right this minute.  We know that.  Right?  This message is threaded throughout the gospel.  Child of God.  He loves you.  He loves me.  He loves our neighbor.  So what is the problem?  Why do we act and feel at times as if this is not true?   He beckons us to love.  Love Him.  Love one another.  Love ourselves.   
Matthew 22:36-39.  
John 13:34-35.  Galatians 5:14.  

Here is a statement I LOVE to ponder.    

"Being fully who you are, fully human, is not an achievement.  It's more like a homecoming.  We become most ourselves, without distortion, when we relax our frantic efforts to justify ourselves and allow ourselves simply to be still"  -Terry Warner

Love

Last month we had a missionary farewell.  It was one of those sister missionaries.  You know.  The remarkable kind.  The type who know.  Who know who they are.  Who know Heavenly Father loves His children.  I was touched by her talk.  It was on love.  She said yes when I asked if I could share.  She is a teacher.  She asked her students a question. 

Written by her student.  A 10-year boy.  He has been challenged.  She loved his profound honest view of love.  I do too.  She told us that "What is love?" was the most searched phrase on Google last year.  This super Sister shared a quote from President Hinckley.  He spoke at BYU on Valentine's Day.  1978.  "When I was a little boy, we traded paper hearts at school, and at night we dropped them at the doors of our friends, stamping on the porch and then running in the dark to hide.  Almost without exception these valentines had printed on their face the words, "I love you".  I have since come to know that love is more than a paper heart.  It is the very essence of life".
What does love mean to you?  

Relationships

Relationships are cool.  We need them.  We want them.  When things go right they give us great joy.  When things go wrong relationships can cause us great pain.  To keep our bodies healthy we eat.  We eat many foods.  Different foods.  Variety of foods.  A balanced diet is healthy.  Here is some food.  Food for relationships.  Food to help things go right.  A balance diet of thinking.  Of theories.  A variety of relationship ideas. 

eality.  Objective vs Subjective.  We experience situations.  They feel very real.  They are real.  Kind of.  It is helpful to know.  To understand.  Two people can see the same situation differently.  Think about it.  Objective reality includes things like my couch is blue.  Yes, it is BLUE.  Subjective reality not so easy.  My experience is the couch is cozy.  My husband says no way.  His perspective is the couch is not cozy.  Hmm.  Who is correct?  Or better yet.  Who is right?  Oh boy.  This is when the "I am right" monster shows up.  Do you know him?  I do.  He is blue too. 

mpathy.  Empathy vs Sympathy.  Both acts of feeling.  Sympathy is good.  I feel for the person.  I am sorry for them.  I have compassion for them.  I do not understand but I care.  Empathy is more.  "What would it be like to be"?  My husband.  My daughter.  My friend.  I sense what they are feeling.  I reach.  I try to understand.  Their feelings are real to me.  Instead of sorry for, I am sorry with.  I clothe myself and for a moment I "get" what they feel.  

                                                         

                                                    

To be continued….