January 29, 2013


I took the test.  The "Close Relationships Questionnaire" test.  It measured my attachment style.  The way I relate to other people.  The way I relate in intimate relationships.   How did I do?  Well.  First a story.  A snip of my life story.  When I was 3 years old my parents divorced.  I have 2 memories of my Dad.  One sad.  One happy.  My mom remarried when I was 4.  She married Will K. Brown.  He was kind & quiet.  He was nice to me.  Like polite nice.  When I was 17 years old they divorced.  When they divorced he stopped being dad.  Now my mom.  It is interesting to ponder my mom.  Did she meet my needs, continuously and consistently, like attachment research encourages?  The stories I have heard make me ponder.  Arthritis at 23 yrs.  Juggling a difficult marriage.  Separated while she learned she was pregnant.  Pregnant with me.  Reuniting, trying again, failing.  Divorced.  3 girls.  1964.  My memory.  My story.  My mom loved me.  I knew she loved me.  Unconditionally.  Reaching out to her felt safe.  Not always easy but safe.  Now.  Here is the results of my test.  I share it to stir thinking.  Fact.  My early romantic relationships have a history.  An insecure anxiety attachment history.  My attachment 
anxiety style.  Big time.  First years of my marriage was characteristic of attachment-related anxiety too.  In me.  I was worried.  I was needy.  Yes.  Insecure.  Now the results of today's test.  On attachment-related anxiety I scored 2.89 on a scale 1-7.  Seven being high anxiety.  I scored 1.73 on attachment-related avoidance.  Seven being highest.  The results put me in the secure quadrant.  What?  Really.  What do we know about secure attachment style?   Secure people tend to have "relatively enduring and satisfying relationships".  Hmm.  Secure people "don't typically worry about whether their partner's are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others".  Hmm.  "They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders".  Wow.  That sounds good.  That IS good.  I changed.  Years ago.  That was really good.  2 questions.  What happened to cause a change?  That is for a future post.  2nd Question.  What did the test say about your attachment style?

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