January 29, 2013


I took the test.  The "Close Relationships Questionnaire" test.  It measured my attachment style.  The way I relate to other people.  The way I relate in intimate relationships.   How did I do?  Well.  First a story.  A snip of my life story.  When I was 3 years old my parents divorced.  I have 2 memories of my Dad.  One sad.  One happy.  My mom remarried when I was 4.  She married Will K. Brown.  He was kind & quiet.  He was nice to me.  Like polite nice.  When I was 17 years old they divorced.  When they divorced he stopped being dad.  Now my mom.  It is interesting to ponder my mom.  Did she meet my needs, continuously and consistently, like attachment research encourages?  The stories I have heard make me ponder.  Arthritis at 23 yrs.  Juggling a difficult marriage.  Separated while she learned she was pregnant.  Pregnant with me.  Reuniting, trying again, failing.  Divorced.  3 girls.  1964.  My memory.  My story.  My mom loved me.  I knew she loved me.  Unconditionally.  Reaching out to her felt safe.  Not always easy but safe.  Now.  Here is the results of my test.  I share it to stir thinking.  Fact.  My early romantic relationships have a history.  An insecure anxiety attachment history.  My attachment 
anxiety style.  Big time.  First years of my marriage was characteristic of attachment-related anxiety too.  In me.  I was worried.  I was needy.  Yes.  Insecure.  Now the results of today's test.  On attachment-related anxiety I scored 2.89 on a scale 1-7.  Seven being high anxiety.  I scored 1.73 on attachment-related avoidance.  Seven being highest.  The results put me in the secure quadrant.  What?  Really.  What do we know about secure attachment style?   Secure people tend to have "relatively enduring and satisfying relationships".  Hmm.  Secure people "don't typically worry about whether their partner's are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others".  Hmm.  "They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders".  Wow.  That sounds good.  That IS good.  I changed.  Years ago.  That was really good.  2 questions.  What happened to cause a change?  That is for a future post.  2nd Question.  What did the test say about your attachment style?


  1. I scored 1.9 and 1.8. Very secure. I doubt that I would have scored that securely 3 months ago. Fun test!

  2. Cool. Thank you for sharing. The best part of the test is awareness. Any score is consider good, like in good to know. Know thyself is the key. If our attachment is insecure that is okay too. Knowing what our attachment style might be can give us a better sense of why we say, do or think the things we say, do or think. Understanding why we say, do or think certain things I have found helps me see that I have a choice. The choice to change.

  3. I scored 2.33 for anxiety and 2.86 for avoidance. I'm not surprised that I scored higher for avoidance; avoidance was my childhood pattern for dealing with rejection. This is an interesting test (and subject)! Thanks, Kandee.

  4. Hi Gail! I find attachment theory fascinating as it can play a helpful role in better understanding other relationship theories. Avoiding vs approaching problems is another theory I will explore on this blog. Thank you for sharing.


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