June 13, 2013

Addict's Secret

I was an addict.  I thought I could not change.  I thought my thoughts were real.  Today I read blogs and hear stories.  I ponder addiction.  Was I an addict?  Cigarettes.  Drugs.  Alcohol.  I felt stuck.  That was my story.  As a recovered addict I want to share a secret.  That was A story.  It was not real.  Addiction is as real as our thoughts.  It is absolutely 100% no question an inside job.  The idea an addict is "trying to quit" is a lie.  I remember what "trying" felt like.  It felt like whining.  A big fat whining lie.  Do I sound harsh?  There are philosophical theories that say WE like our problems.  Addicts like their problem.  Addicts are recklessly playful while others suffer.  They pretend.  AND a real addict also knows the truth.  Deep down.  This is what I know.  Recovery is easy.  Pretending is crazy.  When I chose to change.  What happened? My thoughts changed.  My heart changed.  Those who loved me could see.  Could feel.  They knew.  I wanted to change therefore I changed.  My thoughts.  My story.  So I am curious.  What do you think is the addict's secret?

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