Boundaries

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A brave blogger shared her thoughts about boundaries.  I asked if I could some day share her thoughts on my blog.  Today is that day.  She is taking careful steps.  Honest and sincere steps.  I like her goodness.  I am hoping her steps will encourage, inspire and uplift those in need.  She is one of the many pioneer bloggers seeking recovery.  Her boundaries are hers.  Mine are different.  Everyone has them.  We do not always know.  In recovery or not relationship boundaries are important.  Some are vague.  Some are rigid.  Mine are fluid.  Too fluid.  I give good advice but need to do better myself.  Notice how you feel.  As you read this blogger's example ponder what your boundaries are or could be.  She is in recovery.  You may not have her concerns but look and you will see boundaries are in all relationships.  Parent to child.  Boss to employee.  Grandparent to grandchild.  Mother to son.

Set boundaries for my emotional safety and sanity.   I need boundaries to protect my heart, my sanity, and my children.  Boundaries will also provide my husband with the understanding of what I will not accept in our home and marital intimacy.   For now my emotional boundaries are.  I will not accept pornography in or home.  If it's being viewed in our home.   I will ask the person viewing it to leave and seek appropriate help.  I will not be sexually intimate with my husband, if he is not sexually sober.  I will not be sexual intimate if my spouse is disconnected from me emotionally.   In other words does he listen and validate my feelings?   Does he show care and concern for my well-being.  Does he make an effort to connect with me and engage in meaningful conversation without blaming, manipulating, or criticizing?  I will not allow my husband’s addictive behavior to control my life.

"Addicts are miserable and that misery permeates every facet of their lives.  It makes them liars and spiritual black holes from which the Spirit of God cannot radiate.  It makes them self-absorbed, self-righteous, self-indulgent, critical of others, short-tempered, angry, bitter, mean, spiteful, manipulative, backbiting, disloyal, indifferent to the feelings of others and spiritually numb.  All of this must of necessity damage the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being of the spouse and the children."   (Rowboat and Marbles)

Boundaries are ways to trust God instead of trying to control.

To read her full post click here.