My Mom

My Mom died 19 years ago.  

Today.  February 28, 1994.  

Betty Jean Barentsen Clair Brown.   

I am grateful to be her daughter. 

This year book description reminds me.

How my Mom was.  How I am.  How I am like my Mom.

Thank you Mom.  I love you.

Shame

Shame.  New topic.  Age old always been emotion.  What is new.  We are talking about it.  Guilt is good.  Shame is not.  Guilt is a constructive emotion.  We feel regret or sorrow and have a desire to do different.  We ourselves are good.  We just did something bad.  We know.  We feel.  We can change.  Shame not a constructive emotion.  We see ourselves as bad.  We don't know.  We don't feel.  We do not think we can change.  Guilt works to preserve and maintain connection.  Shame works to disconnect.  Disconnect us from our self and others.  What can we do when we feel shame?  Recognize.  Start talking about it.  You will learn.  You will see.  You are not alone.  You are worthy of love and connection.  Too.  Also.  Everyone is.  Spiritual ears tell us this is true.  Listen.  With courage.  You are worthy of love and connection.  Always have been.  Always will be.

Click here for a deeper look at shame 

with Brene Brown.

Dunce

I have a slight memory.  Sitting in the corner with a dunce cap on.  Not me.  (Of course).  Just fear that I might.  Do something wrong.  Stupid.  Not be smart.  All would know.  This was a punishment that could happen at my school.  When I was young.  As I have looked at shame this dunce cap corner sitting practice came to my mind.  I am glad we know better.  I was curious.  How, why, when did such an idea make sense.  Adults calling kids stupid.  Children.  Click here if you want to know too.

Joe

When I was 17 years old a close friend was killed in a car accident.  His name was Joe.  He was drunk driving late at night and went into oncoming traffic. He and another friend were killed instantly.  A few months after the accident I had an experience.  Some may call it a dream.  I knew it was more.  I knew my friend and I recognized him.  We had an exchange that was real.  I knew the difference.  I would like to share a portion of our visit.

• Joe was happy.  Like really happy.  There was a noticable difference in his countenance.

• He said he was going to school and that he loved it.  I quickly questioned him since he had dropped out of high school.  He explained that he really liked this school because there was no homework.

• He talked of having things wrong.  There were things he did not understand.  He talked about learning and that he had lots to do.

I was 17 years old.  At the time of this visit I did not live at home.  I did not live with my parents.  I myself was a kid in trouble.  Joe reached out.  He made a difference.  Our visit changed me.  Slowly.  His visit rescued me.  There is more to this story.

To be continued…..

Reframing

Reframing?  It is simple.  When events feel wrong.  Reframe.  Ponder.  Maybe I could look at this event differently.  There is more then one way.  More then one story.  I reframe. 

 Truth is.  We already have.  We have framed the event.  The frame I use makes a difference.   I can change it.  The frame I use impacts how I feel.  How I respond.  Frames can be positive or negative.  We frame all the time.  It is automatic.  Some stories are simple.  Some stories are not.  It has been compared to placing a picture in a different frame.  This changes the look.  The feel.  Of my story.  The best thing.  It helps us find solutions.  Things can look easier because they are.  Changing how we look changes what we see.

Amy

Happy Birthday Amy!

Our oldest daughter's 30th Birthday is today.  One of my best days ever.  I have 2 other best days ever.  David's birthday & Lori's birthday.